Identity- Who are you?
As I sat this evening in a devotion with my children wondering how I could reach to them with the absolute importance of identity I came up with a thought. At the ages of 10,8,8,7 it is hard to keep them engaged. One was diagnosed with ADHD and the other, his twin, likely has it as well. I have tried different approaches but came to a thought tonight that was different. We decided to make a list of all the different things that came to mind in which we can find our identities. Among this list were: Money, House, Relationships, our own abilities, job, cars, animals, family, games/electronics, sports, school grades, where you live, and how you look. This list seemed to be a good grasp. Some of these they mentioned, some were inferred. The point was not to get a list of talking points, but to see where our sources of identity COULD come.
As we continued talking about identity, we tried to think of all the potential good and benefits that might come from each of these. Some gave us influence or new friends, or happiness, or a feeling of worth, others gave respect, or brought popularity. It was interesting to hear what my kids thought walking through this exercise.
The list got long but was a decent look at what many would think as well. Then we talked about what happens when those dry up. If the dream house we put everything into burns down or is lost due to financial issues. If the family is lost, either moving away, death, or divorce. Or if your looks were lost because of an injury. Maybe if your strength that you depended on and were known for was lost due to a tragic accident. Or the intelligence you had and were so keen on suddenly lost the battle to Alzheimer or dementia. This was a little harder as my kids lack the vocabulary for all of the things that could have come through that. These ranged from feeling abandoned or alone, losing friends, getting angry, sad, or heart broken. Blaming self came up, worthlessness came up on quite a few, though their terms were slightly different in verbiage but synonymous. Some had no hope, or not feeling like they would belong, self-doubt, or even violence. Are any of these hitting home? They did for me. Many of these could easily define us in our traumas. My trauma was a divorce and all the conflict that typically comes during and after. Others may find it comes from a death, a disease, a job loss, but regardless I think many of these could be shared sentiments.
So why did I go over these? In the moments after I let those settle the question came up, in all these sources, which can we depend on to never change? If it will not change that means I can be sure if I put my identity into that I won’t be disappointed. Even my kids recognized that all would change. Money could be lost, family split up, abilities lost, grades failed, looks fading, so there was no hope for identity in these things. Then the key question for kids to grasp, what then can we find identity where it will not change and therefore, we would never deal with the negatives? CHRIST JESUS! That’s right. 2 gold stars for each of my kids.
We can smile at their innocence and wonder if their answer will be the same when the difficulties hit. But that’s not how God intended it. When we are truly abiding in him then we find our identity is solid on his cornerstone. 1 Corinthians 3:11 Paul talks about the foundation, which no one can lay a different one. Again, in Ephesians 2:20 the foundation of the apostles and the prophets with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone. With a foundation that does not shift at the whim of anything outside of our control we can be sure that our house will not topple. If we hope for the kids to learn this, and smile at all they will see, why can’t we look at that in our own lives? Is it too much to believe the God who engineered a plan of salvation over thousands of years, who ensured all his words were recorded exactly how he intended, that the source would survive millennia without alteration or destruction, and ultimately to live the life required could possibly be telling us one thing in the Bible because we can actually live it? I believe in the inerrancy of his word and the divine authority of it. Since this is true, then I believe that I can truly live the life he has called us to in His power, not in mine. I hope all of you will join me in that!
