John 14: 13 and 14 - "Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it." (NASB).

John 15: 7 & 8 "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to. be My disciples." (NASB).

How many sermons, Sunday school lessons, studies, discussions have been centered around these passages? I know in my lifetime, I have heard it preached and stated by the body more times than I can count.

Prior to entering into an abiding relationship with God. A relationship where I have been learning to let go of EVERYTHING and handing that back to God as I walk in dependence on Him (sweet freedom!), I can readily admit I did not apply the "ask and you shall receive" message appropriately in my life. I thought that if I ask of God anything, in Jesus' name, that he will bring it to fruition. I believed that he would fulfill the desires of my heart, but what were those desires rooted in?

As I look back, those requests of God, in all honesty, were “asks” that would bring fulfillment in this world rather than transforming my heart for Him. For example, in my competitive years as an athlete, I can tell you that my asks were definitely rooted in my desires for a specific outcome. An outcome defined as good by the world, but didn't necessarily produce fruit in me for His purpose. I can't tell you how many times I thought, "if God loves me enough, or I have proved myself worthy, that He will give this ask to me. He will give me the time/place/qualification that I desire." I truly believed that I had to earn the receiving portion of the ask from God. I believed that if I have earned God's favor, he will give me anything I wanted. If I read in the Bible enough, went to church enough, prayed enough, etc.... whatever I asked would be given to me. In reality, I internalized John 14 as... "Whatever you ask in My name,  (if you pursue me enough, if you read your Bible enough, if you attend church enough, if you display me enough), then I will do it." This isn't the Truth, it is not what is written in the Bible, yet I choose my own version of the truth over His actual Truth for so many years (hello Genesis 3). A choice that brought on not only so much heartache and exhaustion, but also disbelief in God’s word, disbelief that He heard my prayers, as I did not see the “fruit” of my ask. Fruit planted in this world, planted in my flesh…..not the spirit.

Until a year and half ago, I never looked at what I was asking and questioned what purpose does this serve? Is it for me, or is it truly for God and the transformation of my heart and mind to bear His fruit? Is what I am asking going to bring me closer to God and a reflection of my Spirit self, or is it something that I am replacing God with for identity, purpose, love? I had 33 years of being in Christ, and I never once asked these questions, nor did I submit my requests to Him and ask Him to direct me. My asks, my definition of prayers fulfilled were for circumstances or achievements in this world that would give me happiness and praise. It was for my fruit to be produced, not His. All those circumstances, all those praises, was a fruit that was always fleeting. I may get a pat on the back right after the achievement, but it would quickly fade away and leave me feeling empty and wanting more. I pursued this to a state of exhaustion, producing fruit of the flesh…anger, quarrels, and anxiety. I was seeking identity through my asks, when God was calling me to come to Him not only identity, but everything. I skipped over looking at my motives, stopping at James 4:2 in my reflection, and totally disregarded James 4:3: “And even when you ask, you don't get it because your motives are all wrong, you want only what will give you pleasure." (NLT). 

With recognizing the root of my asks, not only have my prayers changed, but the desire to be in prayer with God has increased tenfold. I have learned to share my feelings, thoughts, circumstances (for myself and others), and ask God to heal me, to direct me and my prayers, to provide for me. I have learned to be honest with God, to surrender even my prayer time to Him, and take the time to step into conversational prayer with Him. I think one of the coolest aspects of abiding in prayer, has been the constant response from God. As I said before, when my prayers were rooted in my desires, the fruit was disbelief that He truly heard me as I did not see the “fruit” I was asking for. Now, when I take all that I have to Him, and ask Him to take it and lead me, to sustain me, He always provides scripture for me that is the exact answer of my call to Him! It is an experience of the purest love and joy to know that He is present, He is listening, and He is answering me. Does it mean my situations always change? No. However, it does change my heart as He strengthens me, comforts me, and provides me with His truth to sustain the circumstance. I can attest, He hears us. He hears our cries, we just have to let go and surrender those cries to Him and let Him carry it for us. Let Him heal us and direct us. It truly is a sweet freedom, and I have felt so seen, known, and heard since abiding in Him that it propels me to want to talk to Him. 

God is so wonderful, filled with unfailing love, and "when we call on Him, He will answer us" (psalm 91:15). The more I step into dependence upon Him for everything, the more I see this to be true. He is sustaining me through his Word, who He is, as He works for me. It is no longer me earning favor whether from the world or God. It is no longer me working for the fruit. It is resting in who He is. It is resting in His Truth, and letting Him define who I am, what my purpose is, and provide all that I need (Genesis 2).